It’s about sex. I feel so ashamed. I have problems having intercourse. I am straight. I am posting this in the G&L section because I think you guys have more sensitivity on these issues. I take Levitra for my erectile dysfunction. I have never had a good, complete sexual experience, including full out intercourse and ejaculating from that in my whole life. I was married for six years and the sex was failure. My wife was a virgin and we had problems and finally I just gave up with her. I then dated a woman for three or four months and she broke up with me. Last night, after dating a new woman for about a month, we tried sex last night. At first she didn’t want to but then after a lot of successful foreplay we had a WTF moment and decided to do it. I had taken Levitra about an hour before sex. Everything should have been perfect. But it wasn’t. I tried loosening her up but she felt tight. I think it’s been a while since she had sex. She could have been nervous. I was able to put a finger up inside her and that was okay. I should have tried two fingers. When I tried to go inside her, in the dark of course, I had trouble getting it up. I kept trying. We tried different positions. At one point she was so tight that I felt pain trying to go inside her. It was dark so I might have been going at it wrong.
I am seeing a psychologist for therapy. I also tried seeing a sex therapist on my own and that seemed like another counselor and I really needed more technical advice. I went to a urologist and had blood tests done and to see if there was anything physically wrong with me that might be causing this. But the doctor found nothing wrong. I am still fighting with my insurance company over the “unnecessary tests.” I love HMOs, don’t you? When a guy can’t get it up, I think that tests are necessary so that he can find out why he can’t make love.
Well gay and lesbian friends and others, I am at my wits end. I am thinking of going to an escort at this point. I am still seeing my new girlfriend but I am not sure how much longer she is going to go out with me. She is divorced. I will be divorced next month and legally separated. I fear that if I tell her about the ED that she will leave me. Her ex husband had ED and she divorced him.
What should I do?
Should I have a talk with my girlfriend? Tell her about the ED and say I want to work this out with her.
See an escort. Maybe a woman that is not a girlfriend there would be less pressure. Maybe because I am not yet divorced from my wife, and the pressure of her wanting us to get back together and I don’t, I am not ready for a serious relationship right now.
See a doctor. I am seeing a psychologist now general counseling. I saw a sex therapist but he wasn’t very helpful. He just seemed to be another counselor. He suggested seeing another urologist and have more blood test done. My insurance company is still not paying for the last round of blood tests and the bill is over five hundred dollars.
So that is the man issue. BTW, I feel very ashamed that I have not been able to have a successful sexual experience. I feel like I am not a man and like I am a boy trapped in a forty something body.
My dad and mother felt that masturbation is wrong. My mom thinks masturbation is a sin and my dad thought masturbation was a sign that I was either crazy or gay. I am not gay but he feared that I would become gay. Also many women that I dated, including my ex wife, really hated me watching porn. I fear that when I am with my girlfriend I may need that extra stimulation that I get from watching porn. My ex GF really had issues with my looking at porn actresses. Not sure about the new GF. She seemed okay with me not being able to get it up the first time we tried. I had to finish myself off but I was able to at least do that. Some times I get so nervous with a girlfriend I can’t cum. The Levitra helps with the erection. But then I couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate last time. I was so angry and ashamed.

Answer:

It sounds like you might be thinking too much about sex and this may be hard to over come if it’s been going on this long in your life. However, I would recommend having a one nighter here and there, safely of course (meaning condoms, not just pills). Just go have some meaningless sex with someone and don’t be afraid to tell them before hand that you might have some trouble ejaculating. Many women may even like this idea because it means you’ll last longer.

If you can ejaculate while masturbating than it’s most likely not a mechanical problem. However, if you use condoms it’s important to make sure you’re not allergic to latex or lubrication. Some men can even be allergic to the fluids inside the vagina. If you’re allergic to any of these, simply wearing a condom made of a different material would do the trick.

Also, just learn to relax when you’re making love. Don’t worry about ejaculation, just enjoy the sensations you’re feeling. Engage in other kinds of sexual activity that don’t involve penetration. And there is no rule that says you can’t just masturbate to finish up at the end. Many men have to do this actually. Some of my lovers were never able to ejaculate even after hours of love making, till they rolled over and finished the job themselves.

I was never offended by this and knew that’s just how their body responded and how it had learned to function. Sometimes I would do things while they were finishing up to help them along so it was like we were still having sex, just not the actual penetration part. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you’re having sex with that you have a problem ejaculating. 9 times out of 10 she will understand and this will help take a lot of the pressure off. After that, just enjoy it and don’t think about the end, just enjoy what’s happening in the moment.

And I think you should see a different sex therapist. They are supposed to help with physical and mental issues, not just focus on one or the other. And it sounds like this person is only focusing on one of your problems.